I look at Billy
in “Goliath”
Or Bobby 
Or Chuck
in “Billions”
and see their ties
Around their necks
Or even the bow tie
in “The Newsroom”
and I actually envy them
Because they learned how to tie their ties.

In high school
I was sent away to a boarding one
Where we had to wear ties
For choir
We had what they called  “room bucks”
(Upper classmen who were supposed to be
our parental figures away from home)
They, instead, were our nemesis 
Our bullies
And they never taught us how to tie a tie or bow tie
Instead they threw us into ice cold showers
and swung coat hangers 
on our tail bones
Or threw us out in our underwear
to run around the dormitory 
in the snow 
Until they tired of the sport
For reasons only known to their twisted heads.

Did I mention?
This was a ‘Christian’ boarding school.
And some of these assholes later became ministers
No apologies ever forthcoming.

So, some of us bought what they call “clip on” ties.
You clip them below the adam’s apple
And they sufficed.

No Billy
No Bobby
No Chuck would be caught dead in one.

No lawyer.

But we did, just to make everyone happy.

My dad never taught me how to tie a tie.

And I do not ever intend to find anyone who will.

pg. taft 1.10.20