Oh I Have Connections

I remember seeing this photograph

Of a man’s car pulled over on an L.A. freeway

He had shot himself after a chase with the police

But before he shot himself, he burned  his dog  with the truck

I remember feeling a  kind of anger, an outrage

“Let your dog live, you CUNT!”

I thought
“Let someone else take care of him!”

But no.
Dead dog.

Dead man.

HMO anger.

And the police were there to scrape up the questions

And put them away.

For good as far as most of us are concerned.

Concerned.

Concerned.

I am tired of these people

Who come into my life

With their false hopes and promises

“I have a connection at United Media.”

“I know the former wife of a popular rock star who will make you happen.”

“Expect big things.”

But there’s always a catch.

And it’s always too late

Until you figure out the ulterior motives

Even though they have “connections.”

That are  worth your time as  the number of times

They communicate with them.

Which is probably zero.

I sometimes think about that man on the freeway.

Why did he kill his dog while killing himself?

I know now.

Anger.

I have a cat I  inadvertently saved.

He has leukemia.

He is alive today because someone shoved him into my arms.

So I take good care of him.

He wakes me up almost every morning

Long before I wish to wake up

Usually about 4 or 5 am

He places unsheathed paws on my nose

It’s his way of telling me he wants me to rub his cold ears

Until they are warm.

It always makes me better

No matter how  tired I am.

So I do.
  I pet him.

Until he purrs.

If I killed  myself

I could not IMAGINE anyone taking better care of him than I would or could.

No way.

So if I did,

He’d go with.

It’s that simple.

The police no doubt called  him crazy.

I now see he was just another sad circumstance.

If I should ever kill myself,

My cat goes with me.

But he’s safe.
Because  I won’t.

But that doesn’t keep US safe.

pg. 9.5.16